but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We need a shit load of segways right now
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
