I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You can't just leave with hair like that
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
