Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
