I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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