She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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