No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
