i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
