dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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