4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
