I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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