grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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