All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Everyone says I win the strip club
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
