i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
