If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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