Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
