Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
