not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
