I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
