By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
