Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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