It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
