There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
