Nicole vs. Life
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
