Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
