New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
