that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
