Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
