You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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