laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
