I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
