Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
