Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize