if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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