After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
