I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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