I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
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And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
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I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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