So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
