It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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