Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
