Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
