Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
