I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
last night I used snow as a chaser
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
