No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
