I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
