i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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