Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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