we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
