were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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