ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
