Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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