She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
