can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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