I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
