I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
