Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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