and she was petting her beer can
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
