Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
