apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My ass is underappreciated
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
