you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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