don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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