I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
