I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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