Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
