That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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