Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just got carded by a ten year old.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
