But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
