this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
