Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Farmville is her only friend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
