you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
