Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
