uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
