I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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