i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
