spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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